Updated: Jul 2, 2020
God loves the BMV (Bureau of Motor Vehicles). And it's not just because He avoids the lines. Whenever I need an answer or direction in my life, inevitably it whizzes by on someone's vanity plates.
Quick example: After learning of my health crisis, some of the first things I cut out of my diet were gluten, dairy and sugar. Five months down the road, I had cheated and succumbed to freshly baked bread a few too many times in a week. While sitting at a traffic light, an electric blue car zipped around the corner with the license plates: NO WHEAT.
I could write a book on my experiences.
Why I am telling you this? I've been away from writing this blog for over a month. The last two weeks I have been bombarded with breast cancer license plate holders. Like a pink swarm on wheels. I hear you God. This journey was never meant for me alone. Like many of those who went before me, I want to be an agent of change. I know it is my calling and one of my life purposes.
And now I'm back.
June 12 was my one year anniversary of finding out I had serious cancer. The day of my mammogram. Not a pleasant memory to write about even here.
Leading up to this anniversary, I imagined that June 12, 2020 would be a sad day for me.
Much to my surprise, it wasn't.
I will share my journal entry for that day:
"One year ago, at this very moment, I had no idea my life was about to change forever. It was the day I found out about cancer, and in the end, my entire life changed for the better.
I write in utter gratitude and appreciation for all those who helped me to heal. The hard work and the paths they took to become those who care for others. Gratitude and love to myself for the courage and resilience to stand my ground, be faithful in the midst of uncertainty, and the willingness and bravery to release and let go. Probably the toughest of all. Our body can only hold the emotional pain and wounds of our past for so long. I always say that cancer came to heal me in more ways than the physical.
It wasn't up to the Cleveland Clinic alone to cure my cancer. I had (and have) an active part to play. Malerie (my acupuncturist and health coach) said it was me who was the agent of my healing. Had I not opened up and surrendered, I would have been in a very different place today.
"When a person is passive- with an attitude of "just do it to me"-he does not fully heal; he may recover, but he may never fully deal with the source of his illness..Healing is an active and internal process that includes investigating one's attitudes, memories and beliefs with the desire to remove all negative patterns that prevent one's full emotional and spiritual recovery." Anatomy of the Spirit. The Seven Stages of Power and Healing by Caroline Myss
I never walk alone. I say with absolute certainty, that many of those who love me and left this Earth, heal with me. Angels are real. I feel their presence and peace.
I look back with appreciation, gratitude, and awe. Not with arrogance but a deep respect for myself. It was hard and sometimes scary. I have heard many times in that quiet space within: I am a miracle. A warrior. A healer.
And so instead of being sad, today is a day of intense gratitude and joy. I am alive and well~ healed and healing in the best possible ways!
Thank you God!"